âI know I sound like a spoiled brat,â she says with a wry smile. âIâm aware of that. But I think itâs important to be honest about how even things that are luxurious or that youâre very lucky to have can still be difficult or unfulfilling. I donât want to paint this picture of myself as someone who just breezes through life and everything comes easily to them. Thatâs just not true.â
Wood is currently juggling several projects: a forthcoming solo show at Carlos/Ishikawa, a residency in New Zealand and a potential collaboration with the Berlin-based musician Pan Daijing. Sheâs also in the early stages of writing her third album, which she hopes will be less personal and more experimental, influenced by the likes of Radiohead and FKA twigs. But, she says, sheâs taking it slow this time, determined not to rush the process.
âIâve learned that thereâs no rush,â she says. âI donât have to be the most prolific artist or musician in the world. I just have to do what feels right for me, when it feels right. And thatâs enough.â
“I have one of the best jobs in the world, but because I’ve been depressed in the past and I live in fear of finding myself at 2pm playing Grand Theft Auto and neglecting all my duties, I overshoot my discipline.”
She finds performing live particularly difficult. To date, she’s only ever played four shows, all of which took place in the last year, and she doesn’t have any immediate plans to do it again. “I don’t think it is a sober person’s game,” she says. “Having so many eyes on me for an extended amount of time tripped all the switches of my body dysmorphia and stage fright, and worrying that I wasn’t technically proficient, without being able to hide in the production. Maybe that’s where my tolerance for vulnerability ends: actually having to appear physically.”
She’s committed to detangling music from her work life, and instead making it feel like a hobby again. After all, her career as an artist is hugely lucrative. “I’m trying to remove the pressure and remind myself what I enjoyed about it that wasn’t to do with signing contracts,” she says drily. Going down to her basement music studio will remain part of her daily practice – she can’t see it any other way – but for now her musical ambitions remain low. “I guess I’ll put out an album when I feel like it. And if people listen, then great.”
Her nonchalant manner – so present in her music and online persona – makes you wonder whether her indifference is genuine. After all, Wood does keep sharing her music publicly. But, as she gazes off into the middle distance once more, perhaps part of what makes her output so compelling is that you can’t really tell.
Spanish translation:
“Tengo uno de los mejores trabajos del mundo, pero debido a que he estado deprimida en el pasado y vivo con miedo de encontrarme a las 2 de la tarde jugando Grand Theft Auto y descuidando todas mis responsabilidades, exagero mi disciplina.”
Ella encuentra especialmente difícil actuar en vivo. Hasta la fecha, solo ha tocado cuatro shows, todos los cuales tuvieron lugar en el último año, y no tiene planes inmediatos de hacerlo de nuevo. “No creo que sea un juego para una persona sobria”, dice. “Tener tantos ojos puestos en mí durante un período prolongado de tiempo activó todos los interruptores de mi dismorfia corporal y miedo escénico, y preocupándome de que no fuera técnicamente competente, sin poder esconderme en la producción. Tal vez ahí es donde termina mi tolerancia a la vulnerabilidad: tener que aparecer físicamente.”
Ella se compromete a separar la música de su vida laboral, y en cambio hacerla sentir como un pasatiempo nuevamente. Después de todo, su carrera como artista es enormemente lucrativa. “Estoy tratando de eliminar la presión y recordarme a mí misma lo que disfrutaba de ello que no tenía que ver con firmar contratos”, dice secamente. Bajar a su estudio de música en el sótano seguirá siendo parte de su práctica diaria – no puede verlo de otra manera – pero por ahora sus ambiciones musicales permanecen bajas. “Supongo que sacaré un álbum cuando me apetezca. Y si la gente escucha, entonces genial.”
Su manera despreocupada – tan presente en su música y su persona en línea – hace que te preguntes si su indiferencia es genuina. Después de todo, Wood sigue compartiendo su música públicamente. Pero, mientras ella mira hacia la distancia una vez más, quizás parte de lo que hace que su producción sea tan convincente es que realmente no puedes decirlo.