But when I was busking, it was just me and the guitar. I was just doing it, and I wasn’t thinking about it. I wasn’t thinking about the future; I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was just singing and playing guitar, and that’s all I had. That’s the emotion I kind of miss – the unknowingness, the just doing it without thinking about it too much. It’s kind of a beautiful thing to not have to constantly be in your head and just be in the moment.
That makes sense. It’s almost like a pure form of expression when you’re just in the moment.
Exactly. And that’s why I love playing live so much, because it’s the same thing. You don’t have time to think; you just have time to feel. And that’s what I love about music – it’s just a feeling, and you don’t have time to be in your head about it. You just have time to be in your heart and in your soul.
Speaking of live performances, how do you feel about getting back out there after everything that’s happened over the past couple of years?
Oh, I can’t wait. I’m so excited. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. I’ve been working so hard and for so long, and I just can’t wait to get back on stage and play these songs live. I can’t wait to see people’s reactions and just feel that energy exchange between me and the audience. That’s all I want.
It must be so rewarding to finally be able to share these songs in that live setting.
It really is. It’s what I’ve been working towards for so long, and to finally be able to get out there and perform these songs live is just the best feeling in the world. I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me next.
Well, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us today. It’s been a pleasure getting to know more about your journey and your music.
Thank you for having me. It’s been great to talk about all of this. I can’t wait to see where Heartworms goes next.
But the ending, man, I remember that vividly. I remember going in and I was like, “I have to scream. I have to scream on this track.” And I remember just going in and doing it, and it felt so good. It felt so freeing. And then when I heard it back, I was like, “This is the ending. This is the ending of the song.” It felt so good. It felt like a release. It felt like a culmination of everything that I’d been feeling, and it just all came out in that scream. And I’m glad that it was on that track, because it does add a different intensity – like you said, a different depth to the song.
It’s interesting that you mention narcissism, because I feel like a lot of your songs delve into themes of self-reflection and introspection. How important is it for you to be vulnerable and open in your music?
It’s everything. It’s my whole world. It’s my whole life. It’s my whole being. I can’t write without being vulnerable. I can’t write without being open. Because if I’m not, then what’s the point? What’s the point in writing if you’re not going to be honest with yourself? If you’re not going to be honest with your listener? If you’re not going to be honest with the world? What’s the point? It’s just making noise at that point. It’s just making sounds. It’s just making words. And I can’t do that. I have to be vulnerable. I have to be open. I have to be honest. Because that’s the only way that I can connect with people. That’s the only way that I can connect with myself. That’s the only way that I can connect with the world.
And I think that’s why music is so powerful. It’s because it allows us to be vulnerable. It allows us to be open. It allows us to be honest. And it allows us to connect with others in a way that we never thought possible. And I think that’s the beauty of it. That’s the beauty of being vulnerable. That’s the beauty of being open. That’s the beauty of being honest. And I think that’s what I try to do with my music. I try to be as vulnerable as I can. I try to be as open as I can. I try to be as honest as I can. Because that’s the only way that I can truly express myself. That’s the only way that I can truly connect with others. And that’s the only way that I can truly be myself.
As you continue to grow and evolve as an artist, what do you hope listeners take away from your music?
I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of healing. I hope that listeners take away a sense of growth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of joy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of beauty. I hope that listeners take away a sense of truth. I hope that listeners take away a sense of freedom. I hope that listeners take away a sense of power. I hope that listeners take away a sense of magic. I hope that listeners take away a sense of wonder. I hope that listeners take away a sense of awe. I hope that listeners take away a sense of gratitude. I hope that listeners take away a sense of humility. I hope that listeners take away a sense of grace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of mercy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of forgiveness. I hope that listeners take away a sense of redemption. I hope that listeners take away a sense of salvation. I hope that listeners take away a sense of peace. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of connection. I hope that listeners take away a sense of understanding. I hope that listeners take away a sense of empathy. I hope that listeners take away a sense of love. I hope that listeners take away a sense of hope. I hope that listeners take away a sense of inspiration. I hope that listeners take away a sense of I had this friend named Alisha who played guitar, and she was like, “You should write your own song.” And I was like, “No, I’m not a songwriter.” But she showed me how to write a song, and I wrote my first song. It was about a boy who was in love with this girl who was in love with another boy. It was so simple, but that was the first time I realized I could write a song. And then I started writing about my experiences – about my mom, about the scary stories, about everything that was going on in my head. And that’s when I found my voice – when I started writing about my own experiences and feelings. That’s when I really started to feel like I was expressing myself through music.” I think that energy and movement is something I wanted to bring into my music. I wanted people to feel that same sense of release and expression when they listened to my songs. The danceability of Glutton for Punishment was intentional – I wanted to create music that made people want to move, to let go of their inhibitions and just enjoy the moment. The idea of dancing as a form of release ties into the themes of the album as well – the idea of facing challenges and pushing through them. Dancing can be a way to release pent-up emotions and let go of the weight of the world, even if just for a moment. It’s about finding joy and freedom in the midst of struggle, and I think that thread of danceability is a reflection of that. Me encantaría estar saltando arriba y abajo, agitando mis brazos en el aire. Y luego tener relaciones con personas tan aburridas como un ladrillo y que no quisieran bailar conmigo, yo decía: “¡Vamos a bailar, realmente quiero!” Lo ansiaba, y ellos decían: “No, no me apetece bailar”. Había eso, y también tenía que ver con lo tímida que era y cómo no quería bailar frente a mi familia. Solo quería bailar sola, así que hay cierto sentimiento de soledad en ello, pero también una sensación de caricia en la acción de bailar, abrazándome. Siempre que mi mamá se iba de casa, yo le robaba su reproductor de CD, lo ponía en mi habitación, ponía Fleetwood Mac o algo así, y bailaba.
Cuando eso se refleja en mi álbum, es simplemente algo que me encanta decir y hacer en el escenario. Es una forma de autoexpresión para un ser humano que probablemente no puede expresar cómo se siente verbalmente, pero puede hacerlo a través del movimiento. Puede realzar una palabra que estés diciendo. Me encanta usar lenguaje de señas en el escenario, no conozco a nadie con quien me comunique que use lenguaje de señas, pero me encanta la idea, porque a veces las personas en la parte de atrás puede que no escuchen tan bien, pero quieren verte. El lenguaje de señas también es un baile para mí. Y el remate – “Todo lo que quiero hacer es bailar, bailar, bailar” – es simplemente un anhelo. Eso es básicamente todo lo que sucede cuando se trata de actuar. Solo estoy haciendo eso, y es todo lo que quiero hacer. Creo que es una forma hermosa de terminar, con una coma, y volver al principio.
La música puede ser algo solitario – incluso para ti, estas canciones han existido solo en tu cabeza o en el estudio durante mucho tiempo. Permitir a las personas reaccionar físicamente a ella también es quitar parte de esa soledad.
Es un espacio donde quiero que la gente sienta que pueden simplemente esforzarse un poco más. Siento que a veces bailar realmente quita el estrés. Estaba tan estresada hace unos días y encendí el altavoz, me volví hacia Tom, mi pareja. Le dije: “¡Voy a poner algo de dubstep!” [risas] Estábamos escuchando, no sé, Flux Pavilion y todos los viejos artistas de dubstep que recuerdo escuchar, y simplemente sacudiendo cada parte de tu cuerpo. Y me sentí tan feliz después. ¡Fue como “¡Esta es la respuesta!” Y a veces olvidamos eso, ¿sabes? A veces olvidamos que nos estamos esforzando al quedarnos quietos, o nuestra postura – hay músculos que estamos tensando sin percatarnos debido a lo estresados que estamos. Pero cuando bailas, los liberas.
¿Hay algo más que te gustaría compartir o comentar?
Tengo un comentario al que le puse comillas: “No hay manera de complacer a aquellos que son adultos y lo saben. Pero aquellos que son jóvenes no dejarán de mostrar aprecio”. Eso es de Fausto. Me encanta tanto esa cita porque si eres un adulto y piensas que lo sabes todo, y no hay más que aprender para ti, no apreciarás tanto como lo haría una mente joven, una mente que es una esponja. La gente piensa que tu mente deja de absorber cosas porque has alcanzado cierta edad. No, eso solo significa que eres consciente de ello. A veces, cuando estás demasiado consciente de pensar que eres un adulto, no vas a apreciar las pequeñas cosas a tu alrededor y la belleza y el dolor con los que debes lidiar.
Heartworms’ Glutton for Punishment ya está disponible a través de Speedy Wunderground.
Esta entrevista ha sido editada y condensada para mayor claridad y longitud.